Dear Daddy

It all began with a heavy burden on my young shoulders—a weight I carried for years, convinced I was to blame for my father's untimely death. At just twelve years old, I felt as though my life truly began, shaped by the tragedy of losing him to suicide. Over the years, the burden of guilt only grew heavier, until at seventeen, I embarked on a journey to uncover the truth behind his death and my perceived responsibility in it.

Through my quest for answers, I stumbled upon a revelation that would alter the course of my life forever. I discovered that my father, a traditional Japanese man, struggled to fit into American culture—a clash that ultimately led to his demise. In my pursuit of understanding, I found solace in storytelling and journalism, recognizing the power of breaking down cultural barriers to honor his memory.

However, upon returning to Japan a decade later, finally fulfilling my goal to tell stories about Japan to the rest of the world, I was confronted with a harsh reality—my father's past had been erased, his childhood home abandoned, and our family grave disregarded. It felt as though his history had been wiped clean, leaving me with a profound sense of failure to protect the legacy he cherished.

This loss resonated deeply within me, fueling frustration and discontent in my career. I threw myself into work, believing that climbing the corporate ladder was the only way to fulfill my father's legacy. But it wasn't until I attended a funeral at the very place where we had bid farewell to my father that I realized I had been viewing life through the wrong lens.

In that moment of reflection, I recognized that I had unfinished business—a journey to reconnect with my father on a deeper level and find the purpose of why I became a storyteller in the first place. So, I made the bold decision to quit my job entirely, setting out to explore the meaning of life and death in search of understanding.

As I delved into old photographs and spoke with those who knew him from his past, I began to see a different side of him. He wasn't the conventional Japanese man I had thought him to be; rather, he was an explorer, a dreamer who defied convention, fulfilling his goal to immigrate to America.

But driven by a desire to earn his father's pride, my father immersed himself in a structured corporate system in America, despite it not aligning with his true unique identity, especially considering his life in Japan. Seeking to break free from this constraint, he veered from tradition by advocating for my enrollment in a film school rather than pressuring me into pursuing admission to a prestigious Japanese institution.

Perhaps my father recognized a reflection of his own struggles in me—a shared sentiment of not fitting neatly into the molds set by either country's expectations. He sought to liberate me from the weight of entrenched family success, a burden he himself had grappled with.

I take my camera again and travel to the places that made my dad so unique and free – India, Turkey, and America. Throughout my journey to find legacy and meaning, I realize I am not alone in grief as I build new relationships with those who share the same grief and loss, traveling with them to various places that signify death and honoring the dead in their respective cultures.

In the end, I discovered that it's through embracing your roots and cherishing the memories of those who came before that you can truly find closure and forge your own path forward. My journey becomes a testament to the enduring power of love, resilience, and the human spirit, reaffirming the importance of preserving our past while embracing the possibilities of the future.